Top Tips for Better Self Presentation
This blog aims to help you understand how we as a society build fake personas to communicate our best self. How those endeavors can often end up being of little value when seeking to make real connections in the world of work and business, and gives some useful tips on how to forge a stronger personal brand through self awareness and better habits.
So Who is Goffman and why is he such a big deal?
Ervin Goffman was a 20th century sociologist who was best noted in his field for his theories on 'Symbolic Interaction'.
His most famous book, 'Presentation of Self in Everyday Life' uses the imagery of theatre to depict the importance of social interaction.
According to Goffman, it is our natural desire to present ourselves in a way that avoids embarrassment for both parties likening our behaviour to that of an actor being on stage in a theatre performance. Goffamn essentially highlights our innate desire for approval and how we adapt ourselves constantly to 'fit in' to our environment. He goes on to propose that we also desire to control other people's opinions and thoughts about us as they simultaneously form opinions about us.
This gives us the understanding that in any given social situation, it is not only the individual who is seeking to be a better version of themselves.
Fake It to Make It
In an environment such as winning a contract or a job interview these versions of ourselves that we project are therefore paramount to influencing the opinions of those around us and can work in our favour and for the benefit of a social group as a whole.
Todd Herman, an American Author and Motivational Speaker, is one of the best references of how to apply Goffman's theories to best effect. He talks of creating an alter ego, in order to be able to step outside of yourself who he refers to as the 'enemy', and how imagining yourself as another person can trick your brain into believing you are more confident than your enemy self believes you to be.
For those of us who recoil at the idea of being fake, it's a relief to know that alter egos are not really fake, but rather an amplification of your own personality traits.
In situations that make you scared, have your alter ego on stand by; the mental belief system within you that allows you bring your A-Game.
5 Simple, Actionable Ways to Create an Alter Ego
1. Know your Core Values.
Give some time to self reflection, understand yourself and what makes you tick, have self awareness of your weaknesses so you know how to flip reverse those traits when needed.
Be sure that you are being a good person because it is who you want to be and you are not acting as a good person to be liked by others. Be honest to yourself about why you are doing anything you are doing. Your core values will show if you are disingenuous.
Meditation is great, and yes, this one comes up a lot in the self improvement arena but with good reason.
Meditation is one of best practises of shutting out the exterior noise of the world and the social constructs that we are all addicted to and allows you to hear your inner self. It is a time allocated for calming the mind and helping bring clarity so you can hear yourself and your thoughts. With so much noise and business in our lives, meditation is the sanctum that living in the modern world rarely provides us.
2. Affirm your Confidence.
Genuinely believe you are amazing. So often the person that doubts you the most is you. Whenever the sentence starting with 'but...' or, 'I can't...' pops into your head, stop and give yourself a check, are you just making excuses to stay in your comfort zone?
Get those affirmations daily, make it a part of your self care routine, if you are finding you are going a whole day without giving yourself a pat on the back for what you achieve in the day - FRAME IT! Literally have 'I am Amazing!', next to your bathroom mirror, or 'Well Done on Another Productive Day' in a frame by your bed, you've earned that praise and if there's no one else that's going to say it, why shouldn't you tell yourself?
3. Envision the Reality.
Create a physical mood board and place it where you see it everyday, ideally where you are your most productive, or spend most of the day, such as the kitchen.
Collect images of 'you', doing the things you want to be doing and most importantly taking the steps you know you need to take to get you there. This daily reminder will serve as a subliminal mentor encouraging you to take those steps because that board is a reflection of 'your' life. Affirmations go hand in hand with this technique. Use that board every day and change it up to suit the mood you want to be in or the goals you want to achieve by the end of the month.
4. Ground Punch.
Tell yourself your story with you as the hero. Ground Punch is a term Todd Herman uses to describe how we see ourselves in a superhero context, the adversities in life that you have overcome, we all have those as we go through life, acknowledge that you made it through, you never gave in to the 'Enemy Ego' that told you, 'No you can't' or 'you are not good enough', because you have proved that your 'Hero Self' did.
5. Start saying 'Yes'
Fear of the unknown, fear of the stranger, those annoying Neanderthal safety responses our brains trigger to stop us from being in danger or coming to harm, all too often stop us from fulfilling our life ambitions and feed the 'Enemy Ego'. Affirmations help overcome this too, phrases such as 'I AM brave' 'if I do x it will lead to the next level' will help quell those little nasties that make us afraid to DO things. Be intentional, know your purpose, and go for it!